英文写作-结构
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章法结构概论

文章组织像一棵树

亚里士多德在西方传世最古老的文学批评《诗学》(Poetics)中提出:完整的事物要有开始、有中间、有结束(a beginning, a middle, and an end)。此言主要是对希腊悲剧结构的论述,但也可以拿来当作文章结构普遍应该符合的要求。一篇完整的文章,与任何完整的事物一样,都应该有完整的结构:有头、有身、有尾,也就是开头(Introduction)、发展段落(Development)和结尾(Conclusion)。

以文章而言,Introduction可以分成两个部分:开场白(Opening Statement)以及全文主题句(Thesis Statement),各有各的功能。简单讲,开场白的任务就是吸引读者注意、提起话头,并且导入正题。至于全文主题句,这是全文最重要的一个句子,功能在于提出主题、说明立场,以及预告文章的发展方向。

接下来要进入Development的部分,这是文章的主体,它的任务在于将主题充分发展铺陈。不同的文章有不同的发展方式,诸如空间顺序、时间顺序、举例说明、因果关系、比较对比等等。但是,所有文章的发展有一个共同点,就是由笼统朝向明细(from general to specific)。

文章组织是像一棵树的有机体(Organization is organic.)。若将文章比为一棵树,全文主题句相当于树干,是最粗、也就是最笼统的一个叙述。从树干上分出若干的大树枝,若各别以一段文字来处理,那么分出来的每一根大树枝就是发展部分的一个段落主题句(Topic Sentence)。树枝分岔开来,当然比最粗的树干要细一些。同样地,一个主题分开成几部分来发展,每一部分比起最笼统的主题来说都是更具体的。

全文主题句控制全文所有的发展。段落主题句犹如全文主题句,它控制的是全段的发展。它也和全文主题句一样,底下要再分岔发展,而且是不只一次的分岔,每一次都要分出至少两三根比较细小的枝桠。如此以几何级数倍增,很快就能构成枝叶繁茂的树冠,这样就是一篇发展良好的文章,而树冠末梢的小枝叶就是最细小的细节部分。反之,若是整棵树全无分岔,像根光秃秃的棍子,或者虽有许多分岔,但是只分了一层,像把梳子,这种组织就没有生命(not organic),不是好的发展。

文章中间经过充分的发展之后,就要来到Conclusion的部分了。结尾部分反映开头,像是开头的倒影,也分成两个部分。开头是开场白加全文主题句,结尾则是结论(Summary)加上结语(Closing Statement)。其中结论呼应全文主题句,通常是把文章主题做一个归纳总结,也可以说是重复一下全文主题句,让读者加深印象。结语则是反映开场白,加上几句议论,让读者放下文章之后不是马上离开,而是有一段沉吟思索的空间。

组织结构的三项要求

所有文章的组织结构都要符合三项共通的要求:统一性(Unity)、连贯性(Coherence)与流畅性(Progression)。

所谓「统一性」,指的是文章的主题要统一。如果全文主题后面分成两个方面来发展,那么这两方面都必须是隶属于全文主题之下,不得超出它的范围。同样地,段落发展也要符合统一性的要求:该段的内容都要隶属于段落主题之下。

至于「连贯性」,可以这样来理解:同一级、同样粗细的树枝,前后排列的顺序要有条理。若是叙述故事,可以采取时间先后顺序;若是用因果关系来论述,可以采取前因后果的顺序;若是分类,可以采取重要性顺序。总之,处在同一级的发展不能想到什么就写什么,而得有条理。

最后再来看「流畅性」。写文章是一种沟通,英文的「交通」也是这个字,就拿交通来想象一下。在高速公路上,车辆都以一定的速度快速前进。文章中形同路标功能的就是这些转承语(Transitional signals),该用哪些字词,要视文章的组织结构而定。在文章发展的转折处安置清楚明白的转承语,可以确保读者阅读起来顺畅无碍,这就是文章组织的第三大要求:流畅性。

转折与流畅性

综上所述,统一性(Unity)指的是全文要有统一的主题,不得有题外话。连贯性(Coherence)指的是由笼统到明细的发展,以及同一级发展的各部分条理要分明、先后顺序要有道理。流畅性(Progression)则可以搭配转折(Transition)来表达:在文意转折处配合文章的组织方式,加上一些转承语,帮助读者随时掌握文章发展的脉络。

时间顺序(Chronological order)

  • firstly(第一)
  • after that(在那之后)
  • secondly(第二)
  • later(后来)
  • thirdly(第三)
  • finally(最后)
  • and then(然后)

分类(Classification)

  • besides(此外)
  • in addition(此外)
  • furthermore(此外)

对比(Contrast)

  • still(然而)
  • by contrast(相较之下)
  • however(然而)
  • on the other hand(另一方面)
  • nevertheless(尽管如此)

比较(Comparison)

  • similarly(相似地)
  • likewise(同样地)

举例说明(Exemplification)

  • for example(例如)
  • to illustrate(例如)

因果关系(Cause-effect analysis)

  • hence(因此)
  • consequently(结果)
  • as a result(结果)
  • therefore(因此)

名作欣赏

接下来看一小段名家作品,实际体会一下统一性、连贯性与流畅性的表现,以及观摩一下文章的组织结构。作者华盛顿·欧文(1783-1859)是美国早期的文学家、政治家,代表作是两部短篇小说:《李伯大梦》与《无头骑士》,都是美国学生从小必读的经典。

From “The Headless Horseman”, Washington Irving

The cognomen of Crane was not inapplicable to his person. He was tall, but exceedingly lank, with narrow shoulders, long arms and legs, hands that dangled a mile out of his sleeves, feet that might have served for shovels, and his whole frame most loosely hung together. His head was small, and flat at top, with huge ears, large green glassy eyes, and a long snipe nose, so that it looked like a weather-cock perched upon his spindle neck to tell which way the wind blew. To see him striding along the profile of a hill on a windy day, with his clothes bagging and fluttering about him, one might have mistaken him for the genius of famine descending upon the earth, or some scarecrow eloped from a cornfield.

「白鹤」这个姓氏对他来说再合适不过。他身材高挑却极为瘦削,肩膀狭窄,手脚修长,双手从袖管垂出老远,双脚大得可以当铲子,整个人松松垮垮。他的头小而扁平,耳朵巨大,绿色的大眼睛晶莹透亮,鼻子细长如鹬鸟的喙,整颗头像一只风向标,立在纺锤般的细脖子上,仿佛随时要随风转向。刮风的日子里,看见他沿着山棱大步前行,衣袍鼓胀翻飞,人们可能会误以为他是降临人间的饥荒之神,或是从玉米田里逃出来的稻草人。

这段文字最精彩的地方就在统一性。描写一个人,只要内容说的都是这个人,就已经符合主题统一性的要求,但是作者抓住一个特色紧紧统一全局:从头到尾,这段文字没有一处不是在讲此人的「瘦」。这段文字读来生动有趣,正是因为统一性的完美掌握,使整段文字力量凝聚,能打动人心。

接下来再看看连贯性。第一句是段落主题句,点出Crane此人是「人如其名」,正像一只白鹤。然后进入发展部分,这段是描写文,描写的是一个人的外貌。作者采取的是空间顺序与重要性顺序的搭配。

最后看一下流畅性:这段文字的实写部分采取的是简单的空间顺序,所以就直接用此人的身体部位来串连文章。从「全身」拉近到「脑袋」,这个转折直接用 His head 带过。由实入虚是本段中比较明显的一个分岔点,作者用的是 To see him striding along… 这个不定词短语,带入「假想」的情境,算是一个主要的转折。

参考范文

经典名作可供欣赏,但是名家的文笔对于初学写作者而言距离太遥远,不易模仿。以下就一个实际在考试中出现过的作文题目准备了一篇范文,供读者参考。

题目:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

“Spots of natural beauty should be developed so that more people may enjoy them.”

Development vs. Preservation

Every city dweller has felt the need to escape from the noise and stress of the city, to “return to nature.” In answer to that need, numerous natural spots have been developed as tourist attractions. Such development, while providing several advantages, is not without serious drawbacks, and thus must be handled with extreme caution.

Proponents argue that development of scenic spots is necessary and profitable. First, the necessity of development lies in the need for access and in convenience. The need for access is self-evident: if natural beauty hidden in remote areas is to be enjoyed by anyone other than hardy adventurers, roads and facilities must be built.

mountains, there must at least be roads, and consequently, parking lots. Otherwise such beauty would be inaccessible and “wasted.” Besides access, convenience is another necessity for the average visitor. Building hotels and restaurants at scenic spots provides ease and comfort, so that travelers needn’t bring their own tents or food. Second, in addition to necessity, development of these spots also means a dependable source of income for the local government and private entrepreneurs. With the influx of tourists comes real money, for people on vacation are big spenders.

Development of natural spots, nevertheless, does have its drawbacks, for it exerts pressure on the environment and cheapens the sites. The most serious drawback—environmental pressure—follows people who follow the convenience. The influx of people, however controlled it is supposed to be, will bring noise and litter, while making sometimes overwhelming demands on the limited resources, such as water and electricity. Wildlife may be frightened away or worse, driven to extinction, so that there is not much left to see. Besides, familiarity breeds contempt, as the saying goes. To purists, any development is tantamount to desecration, and they may have a point here. Too soon, the precious site will become just another stop on tourists’ itineraries, its fresh charm lost among the walkways, stone seats and viewing pavilions. Thus, the end result of a development project, ironically, may be an artificial park devoid of natural beauty, littered with trash, and full of yammering, camera-wielding tourists.

It is hard to avoid the conclusion that development is a necessary evil. Since such development is likely to go on, it is best to slow down the pace of development to the lowest rate possible, so that natural beauty will not vanish from the world too soon.

开发 vs. 保育

每一个城市居民都曾感觉到需要逃离城市的噪音与压力,需要「回归自然」。因应这种需求,许多天然美景被开发出来成为观光景点。这种开发,一方面提供若干好处,另一方面也不是没有严重的坏处,因此必须非常小心处理。

提倡者主张,景点的开发有必要,并且能带来利润。第一,开发的必要性在于通路的需求以及便利性。通路的需求不证自明:如果偏远地区的天然美景要能够让不怕吃苦的登山客之外的人也来享受,那么至少要有道路,相对也要有停车场。不然这种美景无路可通,等于是「浪费掉」。除了通路,便利性对一般访客而言也是一种必要。在景点建造旅馆与餐厅可以让人舒适悠闲,旅客就不必自备帐篷或食物。第二,除了必要性,开发景点对地方政府与民间企业而言也是可靠的收入来源。随着观光客会有大钱涌入,因为度假的人总是出手大方。

不过,天然美景的开发也有缺点,因为会造成环境压力,并且令景点不再珍贵。最重大的缺点,也就是环境压力,随着因方便性而来的人产生。人潮涌入,不论怎样管制,都会带来噪音与垃圾,同时偶尔会对水电等等有限资源有过高的需求。野生动物可能会被吓跑,或者更糟糕的是面临灭绝,结果变成没什么可看的。此外,俗话说「近庙轻神」。对纯粹主义者而言,任何开发都等于是亵渎,这话也有点道理。珍贵的景点很快就变成只是观光客行程上的又一站,清新的魅力丧失在步道、石椅、观景凉亭之间。所以,开发计划的最终结果可能相当讽刺,就是一座人工的公园,毫无自然之美,到处是垃圾,挤满了吵杂、手持相机的观光客。

很难避免这个结论:开发是必要之恶。既然这种开发恐怕无法抵挡,最好能够尽量放慢开发的脚步,天然美景才不会太快从世界消失。

首先看一下这篇文章的配置:全文分成四段,第一段是头、第四段是尾,这两个部分加在一起的长度还不及中间发展段落(也就是第二、三段)当中任何一段的长度。正常的比重配置就是这样:头与尾要小,身体要大。中间发展的部分是文章的主体,要占最大的篇幅。

第一段是文章的开头(Introduction),由两个部分组成:开场白加上全文主题句。本文的开场白有两句:「每一个城市居民都会感觉到需要逃离城市的噪音与压力,需要『回归自然』。因应这种需求,许多天然美景被开发出来成为观光景点。」接下来就是全文主题句:Such development, while providing several advantages, is not without serious drawbacks, and thus must be handled with extreme caution。这是全文的重点所在,若将文章比为一棵树,开场白有如树根,全文主题句就是树干,后面所有的枝叶都要靠它撑起,都要由它发展出来,这就是主题统一性的要求。

全文主题句有几项任务。第一是要交代文章的主题(Subject Matter),以这个主题句而言就是句首的 such development(指的是上文说过的 development of natural spots)。第二是要表明立场或看法(Controlling Idea),就是句尾的 must be handled with extreme caution 这个部分。第三项任务则是要预告文章的发展方向(Division),也就是要把主题分开成为两个以上的部分来发展,以这个主题句来说就是中间的 while providing several advantages, is not without serious drawbacks,这段叙述把主题分成「虽有若干好处,但也有严重缺点」这两个部分。读者因而得知这篇文章的性质属于优缺点分析(pros & cons analysis),后面的发展是先谈优点,再谈缺点。所以,主题句不只交代了「谈什么」(the What),而且还交代了「怎么谈」(the How),整个文章的内容与形式都在这一句之中表露无遗。

接下来进入发展的段落(Development)。第二段的第一句是段落主题句:Proponents argue that development of scenic spots is necessary and profitable。比对一下全文主题句的前半:while providing several advantages可以还原为 while such development provides several advantages。段落主题句是在重复全文主题句的前半,只不过采用了同义表达(paraphrasing),所以重复的痕迹不是太明显。

接下来进入段落内部,往下发展。First, the necessity of development lies in the need for access and in convenience。句中的 necessity of development 是段落主题句中两种好处之一,所以前面加上 First 作为转承语。往下再把第一个好处 necessity 更进一步分成 access 与 convenience 两部分,最后添加一些细节分别发展完毕。从 access 转入 convenience 的时候,这个分岔点上有个转折:Besides access, convenience is another necessity。

Necessity 的两部分发展完毕后,就进入第二个好处,亦即段落主题句中的 profitable。Second, in addition to necessity, development of these spots also means a dependable source of income。句首的 second 这个连接副词让读者自然联想到前面的 first。段落主题句中说两项好处是 necessary and profitable,the first advantage 是 development is necessary,the second advantage 当然就是 development is profitable。

接下来就来到了这篇优缺点分析最大的转折点:由 pros 进入 cons,告别优点、进入缺点,所以在此要分段。新段落要有段落主题句,这又得把全文主题句的后半用同义表达再提一遍,成为这个段落主题句:Development of natural spots, nevertheless, does have its drawbacks, for it exerts pressure on the environment and cheapens the sites。句中的连接副词 nevertheless 表示上下文是「相反」的逻辑关系(由正面转入负面),这是在树枝分岔点必要的转折。

接着把这两项缺点分别发展开来。先说第一项缺点:The most serious drawback—environmental pressure—follows people who follow the convenience。句首用了 the most serious drawback,表示这个部分的分岔采用的是重要性顺序(递减)。这一枝底下用因果关系发展完毕之后,就要转入第二枝继续发展,Besides, familiarity breeds contempt。句首的连接副词 besides 是两个缺点之间的转承语。

文章结尾(Conclusion)由两个部分构成:结论加上结语。本文的结论采用的标准做法:把主题复述一遍以加深读者印象:It is hard to avoid the conclusion that development is a necessary evil。当中 it is hard to avoid the conclusion 有转折的功能:告诉读者要下结论了,也就是发展完毕,文章就要结束了。

在结论之后就是结语。本篇的结语是:「既然这种开发恐怕无法抵挡,最好能够尽量放慢开发的脚步,天然美景才不会太快从世界消失。」读者看到这个想法,自然会思索一下是否有道理、是否赞同,这就达到了结语的目的。

经过这篇解说,读者可以发现:全文主题句一旦写定,后面要一再重复:段落主题句抄一遍、段落内部每一项发展都抄一遍、分段之后下一个段落主题句再抄一遍、底下的发展又抄一遍,结论再把它整个重复一遍。可以用同义表达的手法略加掩饰,抄得不露痕迹。

写作是一种沟通的工作,它也反映出文化思想的差异。东方民族的思考逻辑比较迂回,写文章不喜欢开门见山,而爱好旁征博引、东拉西扯。可是用英文写作时就得采用英美的思考逻辑,那是比较单刀直入、一条鞭的方式。重点是「用什么语言写作,就得用什么逻辑思考」。东方民族用英文写作,常令欧美人士感觉不知所云,症结往往不在于英文,而在于语言逻辑。

统整一下前面所述的组织结构重点:

  1. 结构严谨,内容一级一级分层
  2. 主题句清楚,重复提及以利衔接
  3. 内容转折点加上转承语
  4. 结论再复述主题

考试专区:优缺点分析

读者若需要准备各种考试当中可能出现的作文题目,可以针对几种重要的组织结构先记住一个骨架,包括最重要的全文主题句、段落主题句、转承语以及结论,考试时碰到适合用某种架构处理的文章,就拿出来套用,可以确保文章的组织结构不会走样。

上节的范文属于优缺点分析(pros & cons analysis),这是相当常见的类型。各大考试通常考的都是说明文加上论文体,要求考生表达个人意见、选择,或者价值判断。托福的独立写作题目,近年来一直以这种型态为大宗:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? 这种题目往往可以采用优缺点分析的结构。

全文主题句

X, while providing several advantages, is not without serious drawbacks, and thus must be handled with extreme caution.

段落主题句1

Proponents argue that X is A and B.

段落主题句2

X, nevertheless, does have its drawbacks, for P and Q.

结论

It is hard to avoid the conclusion that X is a necessary evil.

写作练习:摘要

写作务必要实际动手练习。接下来请读者试试把前面的参考范文浓缩成一篇摘要。摘要的写法,若延续前面大树的比喻,就是拿把锯子把树根锯掉,再把末梢的细枝叶全部去掉,只留下主干和一两层的分岔(视字数限制而定)。

剩下的树干与大分枝最好也要加工一下:采用同义表达的手法,虽然是重复但是要尽量掩饰得不露痕迹。还要注意对等连接词(如and)连接的两个部分要符合平行对称的要求。

Write a summary on “Development vs. Preservation,” within 60 words.

参考答案

The development of scenic spots into tourist attractions may be necessary, but there are numerous drawbacks. Development enables access and provides convenience for visitors, and also brings in profit to the locals. However, artificial development places pressure on the environment and detracts from the visitor’s enjoyment of the spots. Therefore, such development is a necessary evil.

写作练习:同义表达

练习至此,读者可能已经感受到同义表达的重要性。这里提供了几个句子,请练习一下同义表达的技巧。

句子分为三组,第一组的同义表达主要靠替换同义字与片语,第二组是要改换句型,第三组是主动被动交换,这三种就是同义表达最常用到的手法。

同义字与片语

  1. You don’t have to attend the lecture. (obliged)
  2. I have nothing against your coming in late. (mind)
  3. Jack and his twin brother differ a lot. (same)
  4. Jack and Jane started going out a month ago. (for)
  5. My teammates gave me almost no support. (hardly)
  6. John likes computer games very much. (fond)
  7. Besides being lazy, she is also very talkative. (In addition to)
  8. Michael has a good relationship with his coworkers. (get along)
  9. Richard doesn’t mind emailing his girlfriend every day. (used)
  10. Mary is pregnant. (baby)

句型改写

  1. I suggest you stop criticizing your boss. (had better)
  2. I have never tasted a better hamburger than this one. (This)
  3. The last time I saw her was in June. (since)
  4. It’s a pity that I don’t have spare time to go to the concert with you. (If)
  5. If I were you, I wouldn’t try that trick on your teacher. (advise)
  6. These smart phones aren’t cheap but people buy them anyway. (Even though)
  7. It is very unlikely that he wrote the speech himself. (couldn’t)
  8. It was difficult for John to write the proposal. (found)
  9. The board meeting will be held in Taipei. (place)
  10. You don’t need to dress up for that party. (necessary)
  11. It wasn’t a good idea to quit your job at that time. (shouldn’t)
  12. Jack discovered that it was difficult to hold his breath for one full minute. (found)
  13. How long was the game? (last)
  14. It’s a pity that we don’t have any money left. (wish)
  15. Having taken a sleeping pill, Bill lay down to sleep. (After)
  16. The man isn’t a good teacher. (well)
  17. The suspect said he hadn’t killed anybody. (denied)
  18. The dancer tripped over the rug during rehearsal. (while)
  19. You ought to have your hair cut. (needs)
  20. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go out with John tonight. (feel like)
  21. The host prepared more food than was required. (needn’t)
  22. These two packages are the same. (difference)
  23. The man was visiting the Palace Museum for the first time. (before)
  24. John is both a perfect gentleman and a considerate boyfriend. (Besides)
  25. You should not talk about the secret beyond these doors. (advisable)

主动与被动

  1. Everybody knows that Mr. Johnson is a woman-chaser. (Mr. Johnson)
  2. We pay some people to clean the office building every other month. (cleaned)
  3. I’m not interested in who gets elected or not. (It)
  4. The security officer made me empty my pockets. (I)
  5. People believe that he quit because of a scandal. (He)
  6. Someone broke into the house last night. (The house)
  7. John finds this game quite boring. (John is)
  8. What do you expect me to do when he calls again? (supposed)
  9. Everyone considers it necessary to raise the prices. (It)
  10. Someone is watching us. (We)

参考答案:同义字与片语

  1. You are not obliged to attend the lecture. 你可以不必参加这场讲座。
  2. I don’t mind your coming in late. 我不介意你晚到。
  3. Jack and his twin brother are not at all the same. 杰克和他的双胞胎兄弟完全不同。
  4. Jack and Jane have been going out for a month. 杰克和珍约会一个月了。
  5. My teammates gave me hardly any support. 我的组员几乎完全没有协助我。
  6. John is very fond of computer games. 约翰非常沉迷电玩。
  7. In addition to being lazy, she is also very talkative. 除了懒惰,她还很多话。
  8. Michael gets along well with his coworkers. 麦可和他的同事相处很好。
  9. Richard is used to emailing his girlfriend every day. 理查每天都会寄电子邮件给他的女朋友。
  10. Mary is expecting a baby. 玛丽怀孕了。

参考答案:句型改写

  1. You had better stop criticizing your boss. 你最好不要再批评你的老板。
  2. This is the best hamburger I have ever tasted. 这是我吃过最好吃的汉堡。
  3. I haven’t seen her since June. 我从六月以来就没见过她了。
  4. If I had spare time, I would go to the concert with you. 如果我那时有空的话,我就会跟你去音乐会。
  5. I advise you not to try that trick on your teacher. 我建议你不要对你的老师耍这种伎俩。
  6. Even though these smart phones aren’t cheap, people buy them. 即使这些智能手机不便宜,人们还是会买。
  7. He couldn’t have written the speech himself. 这演说内容不太可能是他自己写的。
  8. John found it difficult to write the proposal. 写这个提案书对约翰来说相当困难。
  9. Taipei will be the place for the board meeting. 董事会将在台北召开。
  10. It isn’t necessary for you to dress up for that party. 去那个派对不需要著正装。
  11. You shouldn’t have quit your job at that time. 你那时不该辞职的。
  12. Jack found it difficult to hold his breath for one full minute. 要闭气整整一分钟对杰克来说很困难。
  13. How long did the game last? 那场比赛比了多久?
  14. I wish we had some money left. 真希望我们有剩点钱。
  15. After he took a sleeping pill, Bill lay down to sleep. 吃完安眠药之后,比尔躺下睡觉。
  16. The man doesn’t teach well. 这个人教得不好。
  17. The suspect denied having killed anybody. 嫌疑人否认杀害任何人。
  18. The dancer tripped over the rug while rehearsing. 彩排时,那名舞者绊到地毯摔倒了。
  19. Your hair needs cutting. 你该剪头发了。
  20. I don’t feel like going out with John tonight. 我今晚不想和约翰出去。
  21. The host needn’t have prepared so much food. 主办人应该不用准备这么多食物的。
  22. There is no difference between these two packages. 这两个包裹没有不同。
  23. The man had never visited the Palace Museum before. 这个人之前从来没去过故宫博物院。
  24. Besides being a perfect gentleman, John is also a considerate boyfriend. 约翰除了是个完美的绅士,也是个体贴的男朋友。
  25. It is not advisable for you to talk about the secret beyond these doors. 出了这扇门后,建议你不要谈这个秘密。

参考答案:主动与被动

  1. Mr. Johnson is known to be a woman-chaser. 詹森先生是个知名的花花公子。
  2. We pay some people to have the office building cleaned every other month. 我们花钱请人每隔一个月打扫一次办公大楼。
  3. It does not interest me who gets elected or not. 谁当选,我都没有兴趣。
  4. I was made to empty my pockets by the security officer. 保全人员要求我把口袋清空。
  5. He is believed to have quit because of a scandal. 大家认为他是因丑闻离职的。
  6. The house was broken into last night. 昨晚这房子被闯空门了。
  7. John is quite bored with this game. 约翰觉得这个游戏蛮无聊的。
  8. What am I supposed to do when he calls again? 要是他再打来,我该怎么办?
  9. It is considered necessary to raise the prices. 提高价格是有必要的。
  10. We are being watched. 有人在看我们。

一项写作建议

多年前我在师大英语系当学生时,没记错的话应该是大一,曾上过李敏教授的英文写作课程。李老师对我们提供了一项写作建议,我采用过一段时间,感觉受益良多,不敢藏私,在此提出来和大家分享。

李老师的建议是:写作文时先拿一张纸,中间从上到下画一条线把纸分为两半。第一步先限定自己一段时间,对着作文题目进行思考,想到什么点子就把它一条一条列出,由上至下写在纸的左侧,直到设定的时间结束或者纸张写满为止。

第二步是分类整理:把左边的一条条点子分门别类整理出来,并且分出层次。有些点子与别的点子同类,也可能是一整类好几个点子共同包含在另一个点子之下等等。分类完毕后,把整理出层次的点子记录在纸张的右边。记录时应该用缩排的方式,把这些点子依照层次,分门别类记录下来。同一层级的点子要整理出顺序:是时间先后、因果关系,还是重要性顺序,都要有理由。若有格格不入、无法归入任何类别的点子,就把它舍去。甚至如果有某个类别与其他类别都格格不入,也要把整类都舍去。最后整理出两、三个大类别,同属于最高层次,不能互相隶属。

接下来,将这两、三个类别按照其中的逻辑关系排列,各自整理出一句主题句,就是文章发展部分的段落主题句。综合这个段落主题句,在最前面写出一个具有包容性的全文主题句,就完成了一篇符合统一性、连贯性的大纲。然后,在各级分岔处酌加转承语,就能够照顾到流畅性。大纲拟出之后,只要添加一个开场白、在发展的末梢添加细节,并且将全文主题句用同义表达复述一遍作为结论,最后添加一两句意见或看法作为结尾语,就是一篇完整的文章。

这一套办法我不仅身体力行过一段时间,后来还在我自己教的作文课上和学生现场共同创作过几回。以下就是其中一次集体创作的过程,作文题目是 Life in the Big City。我们的做法是先请学生就这个题目一个个贡献出自己的想法,我在黑板中间画一条线,把这些想法逐条记在左边,结果如下:

1 记录点子 (Jotting down random ideas)

  • In the big city there are a lot of restaurants where one can dine.
  • It’s easy to buy beautiful clothes and shoes.
  • It’s stressful.
  • It’s costly.
  • One can find jobs easily.
  • It’s very noisy.
  • There are a lot of people.
  • It helps broaden our horizon.
  • It’s convenient with the MRT.
  • There are good movies and concerts.
  • For dogs and cats, it’s like living in a big jail.
  • There’s a lack of fresh air and fresh water.
  • It’s lonesome.
  • One has better access to information.

2 分门别类 (Classifying)

缺点 (Drawbacks)

  • It’s stressful.
  • It’s costly.
  • It’s very noisy.
  • There are a lot of people.
  • There’s a lack of fresh air and fresh water.
  • It’s lonesome.

优点 (Advantages)

  • There are a lot of restaurants where one can dine.
  • It’s easy to buy beautiful clothes and shoes.
  • One can find jobs easily.
  • It helps broaden our horizon.
  • It’s convenient with the MRT.
  • There are good movies and concerts.
  • One has better access to information.

不相关 (Irrelevant)

  • For dogs and cats, it’s like living in a big jail.

这些点子,每一条都是「人」的考量,但有一条是「猫狗」的考量,与其他的类别格格不入,所以先把这一条舍弃掉。这个动作是为了掌控全文主题的统一性。下一步就要在优点、缺点里面做进一步的分级与分类,结果如下:

3 按照逻辑关系排列 (Organizing into logical groups and subgroups)

缺点 (Drawbacks)

Cause:

  • There are a lot of people in the big city.

Effect:

  • The environment is polluted.
  • It’s very noisy.
  • There’s a lack of fresh air and fresh water.
  • Living costs are high.
  • There’s no peace of mind.
  • It’s stressful.
  • It’s lonesome.

优点 (Advantages)

  • Living in the big city is necessary.
  • One can find jobs easily.
  • It is also convenient.

For daily life:

  • There are a lot of restaurants where one can dine.
  • It’s easy to buy beautiful clothes and shoes.
  • It’s convenient with the MRT.

For intellectual development:

  • It helps broaden one’s horizon.
  • There are good movies and concerts.
  • One has better access to information.

加上全文主题句、段落主题句、结论和转承语

全文主题句

Though there are some disadvantages, life in a big city has its unique attractions.

段落主题句(缺点)

Under the burden of a large population, the quality of life in the big city suffers in several ways.

First, the environment is polluted.

段落主题句(优点)

On the other hand, life in the big city is a matter of necessity for many people, and it is very convenient.

结论

Therefore, although I miss the peace and quiet of the countryside, I embrace life in the big city, with all its fun and stimulations.

写作练习

接下来又到了动手写作的时候。请读者花点时间,按照前面的那份大纲,自行加上开场白、添加细节,写出一篇完整的文章。若有可能,尽量采用同义表达来改写。若目前尚无把握,直接重复大纲中的句子也未尝不可。

写作任务

Based on the outline above, write a composition on “Life in the Big City.” Please remember the requirements of unity, coherence and progression.

参考范文

Life in the Big City

All over the world, more and more people are moving from the countryside into big cities. Though there are some disadvantages, living in a big city has its unique attractions, for it’s often necessary and also very convenient.

Under the burden of a large population, the quality of life in the big city suffers in several ways. The first casualty is the environment. Around the clock it’s noisy, with endless traffic and endlessly talking people. Fresh air or fresh water is nowhere to be found. Second, everything is expensive, from food to clothing to housing. Third, with all those people, competition is fierce, so city life is highly stressful. The more people around one, ironically, the more lonesome one feels.

On the other hand, life in the big city is a matter of necessity for many people, and it is also very convenient. It is a necessity, because most jobs are in the big city, and people simply can’t do without work. Life in the big city is also convenient, both for daily life and for one’s intellectual development. There are a lot of good restaurants, and it’s easy to buy beautiful clothes and shoes. The MRT will take one within walking distance to wherever one wants to go. As for intellectual development, one can catch good movies and go to concerts in the big city. City life, with its many channels of communication, provides better access to all sorts of information. Hence, it helps broaden one’s horizon.

I am an office worker who lives in the big city out of necessity. Although I miss the peace and quiet of the countryside, I embrace life in the big city, with all its fun and stimulation. Perhaps when I am retired, I will finally say goodbye to the noise and pollution and “return to nature.”

大城市里的生活

世界各地有愈来愈多的人离开乡村,搬到大城市。虽然也有一些缺点,但是城市生活有它独特的吸引力,因为它往往有必要,而且非常方便。

在庞大的人口压力下,大城市的生活品质受到了各种影响。第一个受害者是环境。一天24小时噪音不停,因为车流不止,人语也不间断。找不到新鲜空气与干净的水。第二,从食物、衣着到房子,什么都贵。第三,人那么多,所以竞争激烈,城市生活因而压力极大。很讽刺的是,四周的人愈多,人反而愈感到寂寞。

另一方面,大城市的生活对许多人来讲实有必要,而且也很方便。有必要是因为工作大多集中在大都市,人没有工作不行。城市生活也很方便,在日常生活方面以及个人心智成长方面皆然。有许多好餐厅,也很容易买到漂亮的衣服和鞋子。捷运四通八达,再走点路的话哪里都到得了。至于心智成长,大城市可以看到好电影、可以听音乐会。城市生活有许许多多的通讯管道,各种资讯都比较畅通,因此能够让人拓展视野。

我是上班族,不得不住在大城市。虽然我怀念乡村的平静安详,但我也拥抱大城市的生活,有各式各样的玩乐与刺激。或许将来退休的时候,我会选择告别噪音与污染,「回归自然」。

说明

以上就是一篇我和学生合力在课堂上完成的作文,写作过程在上文都交代得很清楚。文章完全按照大纲写成,组织结构明显,在此就不再另作说明。

写作是要动手练习的工作,本书设计了许多写作练习,循序渐进:一开始是引导式作文(Guided Composition),有各种限制(例如依照大纲写作),或者只限于句子的填空或改写。逐渐到后面,读者要自行写作的部分会愈来愈多,最后就是开放式的写作,只出个题目,由读者自由发挥。

开场白与全文主题句

第一段的内容

本章探讨的是文章开头(Introduction)的写法。以一般300字以内的短文来讲,Introduction大约就构成第一段,里面包含两个部分:开场白(Opening Statement)与全文主题句(Thesis Statement)。两者之中,全文主题句重要得多,它要控制全文的内容与形式,而且要经得起重复再重复。至于开场白,如果是有时间压力的写作,例如作文考试,那开场白聊备一格即可,千万不要花太多时间构思开场白。

反之,如果是没有时间压力的写作,文章的开场白就值得花时间去雕琢,因为开场白也有它的功能:一是吸引读者兴趣,一是导入正题。其中「吸引读者兴趣」这一点,在新闻杂志中尤为重要。一份报刊杂志,里面充斥各式各样的报导,一般读者的习惯是先浏览一下大标题,看看是否有吸引他的东西。接下来就是看看开头,如果开头的寥寥数语不能抓住读者,他很可能就跳到别的文章去了。所以,新闻记者都是下标题、写开场白的高手。要想观摩精彩的开场白,找新闻杂志来看就对了。

开场白

如上所述,开场白的功能在于吸引读者兴趣以及导入正题。要如何才能够吸引读者注意,办法很多。在开场白中常用的办法有引用句(Quotation)、对比(Contrast)、小故事(Anecdote)、自问自答(Rhetorical question)、定义(Definition)、背景(Background)等等,下文会分别举例说明。

全文主题句

全文主题句可以是整篇文章最重要的部分。虽名为主题句,但不见得是一个句子,有时会动用到两三句才能够表达清楚。全文主题句的功能在于点出主题以及预告发展方向,也就是文章的内容与形式(the What and the How)都要靠全文主题句来交代。全文主题句出现的位置是在开场白结束之后、进入发展之前。实际会放的位置多半在第一段的结尾,或者在第二段的开头(如果第一段整段都是开场白)。

全文主题句的三要素

全文主题句应该是一个笼统的陈述,不能太细。因为它有如一棵树的主干,要够粗才能够多次分岔,还能撑得起繁茂的树冠。一个完整的全文主题句,必须有三个构成要素:

  • ① 主题(Subject Matter)
  • ② 立场(Controlling Idea)
  • ③ 发展(Division)

前面提过,全文主题句不见得是一个句子,这里的三个要素也不一定都在同一个句子中,但是全文主题句若不是三个要素都具备,就还不完整。接下来有个完整的全文主题句,请读者看看其中的三个要素分别是什么。另外,要特别注意预告发展(Division)时采用的句型,以及对等连接词and的平行对称要求,这是练习写主题句时的重点。

It makes sense to attend a community college, for the quality of instruction is high and the cost is low.
选择去社区学院就读相当合理,因为教学的质量高,学费又低。
主题 to attend a community college
立场 It makes sense.
发展 ① The quality of instruction is high. ② The cost is low.

发展的句型是用对等连接词and连接两个对等子句,然后再加上从属连接词for成为表示原因的副词子句,修饰主要子句动词makes。

Taiwan is a tourists’ delight for three reasons: the island is beautiful, the people are friendly, and the prices are reasonable.
台湾受到观光客喜爱有三个原因:环境优美、人民友善,而且消费价格合理。
主题 Taiwan
立场 It is a tourists’ delight.
发展 ① The island is beautiful. ② The people are friendly. ③ The prices are reasonable.

发展的句型是用冒号引导同位格,后面是三个对等子句,以and连接,作为three reasons的同位格。

A good consultant must have two abilities: analysis and communication.
一位好的顾问必须具备两项能力:分析与沟通。
主题 a good consultant
立场 He or she must have two abilities.
发展 ① analysis ② communication

发展的句型是用冒号引导同位格,后面是两个名词词组,用and连接,作为two abilities的同位格。

Real estate is a good investment because it is relatively secure, and it offers tax advantages.
房地产是很好的投资,因为它相对安全,而且还有一些税赋优惠。
主题 real estate
立场 It is a good investment.
发展 ① It is relatively secure. ② It offers tax advantages.

发展的句型是用because引导副词子句,修饰主要子句的动词is,副词子句中用and连接两个对等子句。

六种文章开头

如果用文章第一段作为Introduction,那么第一段就包括开场白与全文主题句这两个部分。结合本章到目前为止对于开场白以及全文主题句的说明,接下来就实际看看文章第一段的写法。

假设有个作文题目是On Capital Punishment(论死刑),文章采取的立场是「应该废除」。同一个题目、同一种立场,若采用不同型态的开场白,搭配全文主题句,可以写出六种不同的Introduction段落(文章第一段),如下:

1 引用句 (Quotation)

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. No mere mortal has the right to take the life of another. Many governments, however, play God when they take the lives of their citizens in the name of justice. Capital punishment is ethically unsound as a judicial measure and quite useless as a deterrent of crime, and therefore should be abolished.
主赐予的,由主收回。凡人无权取别人的性命,但是许多政府喜欢扮演神的角色,以正义之名取人民的性命。死刑作为司法措施的道德基础不稳固,吓阻犯罪的成效也不彰,因此应该废除。

开场白用了一个宗教引用句,指出神的权威,批评政府不该扮演神的角色取人性命,由此转入死刑的主张。

2 对比 (Contrast)

Capital punishment is unheard-of in “primitive” societies, whether in Papua New Guinea or in the Amazon Basin. By contrast, it has been or is being practiced in most “civilized” societies. It is high time that such affronts to civilization were stopped, for capital punishment is useless and inhumane.
在所谓「原始」社会中没听说过有死刑,不论是在巴布亚新几内亚还是亚马逊盆地。相反地,大部分「文明」社会不是有过死刑,就是还有死刑。这种对文明的冒犯早该停止了,因为死刑既没有用处又不符合人道。

这个开场白运用了对比:所谓「原始」社会都没有死刑,相形之下反倒是「文明」社会才有,由此导入正题。

3 小故事 (Anecdote)

John Wilkes, a father of three, was found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to death. His appeals were unsuccessful, and he was executed in 1936, leaving a widow, three young children and a disgraced name behind. Two years later, the real murderer was apprehended. John Wilkes, it turned out, was innocent, but there was no way to bring him back. To prevent such tragic mistakes, and to give even hardened criminals a chance to reform, I believe capital punishment must be abolished.
约翰·威克斯是三个小孩的父亲,他被判杀人有罪且判处死刑。他的上诉无效,于1936年行刑,留下了一名寡妇、三个年幼孤儿以及他的臭名。两年后真凶被捕,结果发现约翰·威克斯是无辜的,但人死不能复生。为了防止这种悲剧性的错误,也给最强硬的罪犯一个悔改的机会,我相信死刑必须废除。

这则开场白比较长,因为采用的是小故事的型态。说到某人蒙冤被处死,到真凶出现时已经无法挽回,由此导入正题。要讲故事,往往不是三两句就能说清楚的,但是它特别能够吸引读者注意,因为人都有爱听故事的天性。所以,新闻杂志中如果是长篇的报导,经常采用这种开场白方式(篇幅长,开场白就可以长)。中间发展完毕后,最后来到结尾语,往往又回到开场白那个主人翁身上,就可以营造一种完整结束的感觉。

4 自问自答 (Rhetorical question)

What did Jesus Christ, Joan of Arc, and Ken Saro-Wiwa have in common? They were all victims of capital punishment. These seekers of religious reform, national liberation, and political freedom were each made an example of, in the interest of the establishment or for the sake of the status quo. To avoid such abuses of human rights as well as to give genuine criminals a chance to repent, capital punishment must be abolished.
耶稣基督、圣女贞德和卡山伟华有何共同点?他们都是死刑的受害者。这些宗教改革、民族解放、政治自由的追求者被处死示众,理由是要维护体制,或者维持现状。为了避免如此侵犯人权,也为了给真正的罪犯一个悔改的机会,死刑必须废止。

这个开场白采用的是所谓「修辞性问题」,也就是自问自答。它的好处是会令读者思考一下,而一旦读者动脑去思考问题,不知不觉中就被这篇文章吸引住了。本段开场白中提到的三位人物,前面两位无须多加介绍,第三位是名不见经传的小人物,一个20世纪非洲尼日利亚暴政的受害者,只因为他追求政治改革、挑战权威。问题的答案是三位都被处死刑,但都不该死,由此转入主题。

5 定义 (Definition)

Capital punishment, or the death penalty, is the execution of a prisoner by court order, as a punishment for a serious crime. Activists have been campaigning with increasing success for its abolishment, not only because capital punishment is the most serious violation possible of human rights, but also because it does not even deter crime.
死刑,就是处死,意思是由法庭下令处决人犯,作为重罪的惩罚。社会运动人士在宣传废止死刑,颇有成效,不只是因为死刑是最严重的人权侵害,还因为它甚至无法吓阻犯罪。

子曰:「必也正名乎。」文章开场白另一种常用的方式是为主题下个定义,正名之后再进入分析探讨。

6 背景 (Background)

In medieval Europe, convicted nobles may have their heads chopped off, peasants may be hanged, and suspected witches may be burned to death. Today, convicts on death row face the electric chair, lethal injections, or the bullet. Whatever form it may take, capital punishment is an inhumane and useless device in deterring crime, and as such should be abolished.
在中世纪欧洲,判刑确定的贵族可能要砍头、农民可能要吊死、涉嫌巫术的女人可能要烧死。今天,死囚牢里的犯人面对的是电椅、死亡注射或者子弹。不论采用何种形式,死刑用来吓阻犯罪都是既不人道又没有效果的手法,因此应该废止。

这个开场白是追溯死刑的背景,了解它的古今演变之后再来探讨死刑问题。

佳作欣赏 ①

前面提过,新闻记者都是写开场白的高手。以下就请各位读者共同欣赏高手中的高手——《时代杂志》记者营造的开场白。欣赏之余,也请判断一下这个开场白运用的是上述哪一种手法。

From “A Rogue State Makes Temporary Peace,” Charlie Campbell, Time, February 12, 2018 From the 9th century B.C., athletes and spectators traveling to the Olympics were protected by a truce that stilled feuding states during the Games. The ekocheiria was history’s earliest attempt to separate sport from politics. Although tarnished by Cold War boycotts in the 1980s, the notion of the Olympics as peacemaker endures. In PyeongChang, it’s the Koreas’ turn. North and South will march under a united flag and field a joint team in women’s ice hockey, despite the two nations’ officially remaining at war….

流氓国家暂时和平(节录)

从公元前九世纪起,长途跋涉前往参加奥运的选手与观众都受到停火协议的保护,这项协议在奥运期间能制止国家交战,名为ekocheiria。这是史上最早要分离体育与政治的尝试。虽然在1980年代冷战期间出现过杯葛奥运之举而蒙上污点,但「奥运维护和平」的观念长存不衰。 在平昌,轮到两韩上场了。南北韩将高举一张联合大旗行进,且派出一支联合女子冰上曲棍球队,虽然两国台面上仍处于交战状态……

这个开场白很明显运用的是「背景」,追溯奥运维护和平的历史,从这个背景出发来报导南北韩平昌奥运大和解,相当贴切。

佳作欣赏 ②

From “Undoing the World America Made: Mr. Trump Goes to Davos,” Karl Vick, Time, February 5, 2018 Could this be it? Might the American Century actually clock out at just 72 years, from 1945 to 2017? No longer than Louis XIV ruled France? Only 36 months more than the Soviet Union lasted, after all that bother? The question sounds preposterous. For one, there is the unrivaled U.S. military. For another, there is the U.S. economy, still larger than any other. But then there’s the U.S. President, who in the name of making the country great again has renounced the global architecture that the U.S. designed, championed and dominated for generations. It’s the very international system that did so much to cement American greatness in the first place.

拆毁美国打造出来的世界:川普先生前往达佛斯论坛(节录)

这就结束了?「美国世纪」只撑了72年,从1945到2017,就已经玩完了?不比路易十四统治法国的时间长?比起苏联存在的时间只多36个月,还费了那么多事?这个问题听起来简直荒谬。 首先,美国军力仍然举世无匹。其次,美国的经济体仍然是世界第一大。不过别忘了还有美国总统,他打着「让美国再度伟大」的名号,拒绝了数代以来美国设计、捍卫、主宰的全球架构。当初主要就是靠着这个国际架构才巩固了美国的伟大。

这篇文章的开场白采用的是「自问自答」。作者故作惊人之语,咄咄逼人地质问读者。读者受到质问,自然要思考一下,这一来就达到了作者的目的。接着作者替读者说出心声:「这个问题听起来简直荒谬。」并且提出两个原因证明美国仍然伟大。然而这一切都是为了要带出作者希望强调的一个反面原因:美国出了个川普总统,一意孤行、自掘坟墓。这是一段精彩的开场白,因为非常成功地达成开场白的两项使命:吸引读者注意,以及导入正题。

考试专区:好用的开场白

考试的时候,不能把宝贵的时间花在构思开场白上。有一个不花时间的办法是用同义表达的方式改写一下题目,就可以当作开场白使用。例如下面这道题目:

Many European nations and some US states have made capital punishment illegal. Do you think capital punishment should be continued here? Why or why not?
欧洲各国和美国某些州已经认定死刑违法。你认为死刑在本地应该持续存在?为什么?

这个题目也是谈死刑,可以写出这样的第一段:

The death penalty is now against the law in various countries in Europe as well as in parts of the US. This is a movement in the right direction. I believe capital punishment should no longer be allowed here, because it is useless as well as inhumane.
死刑如今在欧洲各国以及美国某些地区已经违法,这是好的发展。我相信本地也不应该容许死刑持续下去,因为它既没有用又违反人道。

仔细比较一下,很容易可以看出来上则范例中的开场白就是题目的同义表达。主词 many European nations and some US states 改写为地方副词 in various countries in Europe as well as in parts of the US;名词词组 capital punishment 改写为 the death penalty;形容词 illegal 改写为 against the law。这就是同义表达,只要经过同义表达的伪装,读者无法明显看出重复,就可以运用题目当作开场白。

另外,因为考试的题目大多是论说文,往往要求考生对某项议题表达看法或意见,所以可以针对这种题目先记下几个好用的开场白备用。这里提供几个常用的论文开场白方式,分成肯定、中立、否定这三种立场,读者可以从中挑选,各自记下一两种。例如托福独立写作考试典型的题目,就是引述一个看法、俗语或者立场,然后问考生 agree or disagree,这时就可以从下列的开场白择一套用。

1 否定

  • It has often been said that…. I cannot fully endorse such a view.
    经常有人说……。我不能完全为此观点背书。
  • It is a commonly held belief that…. Upon closer examination, however, there are several problems with such a view.
    很多人相信……。但是仔细研究,会发现这种观点有几个问题。

2 中立(可以往否定或肯定两方面发展)

  • X has recently become an issue of hot debate. My view on this matter is as follows.
    X 最近成为热烈讨论的话题。我的看法如下。
  • X is an important aspect of modern life, and must be handled with care. I believe that….
    X 是现代生活的一个重要层面,必须小心处理。我认为……。
  • X has long been a source of controversy in the society. In my view, ….
    X 多年来一直是社会上引起争议的话题。就我看來……。

3 肯定

  • Many people believe that…. I wholeheartedly agree with such a view.
    许多人相信……。我完全同意这种观点。

写作练习

本章探讨的是文章第一段开场白加全文主题句的写法。接下来有三个写作练习,请读者实际动手试一下。后面提供了参考答案,请读者先自行写作,然后看看答案,比较一下。

练习一
Rewrite each of the following sentences into a thesis statement that has a subject matter, a controlling idea, and division.
请将以下句子改写为包含主题、立场、发展的全文主题句。

  1. It makes sense to drive a small car.
  2. Being a successful teacher demands several important qualities.

练习二
Write a thesis statement for a composition on each of the following topics. Remember to give your thesis statement a subject matter, a controlling idea and division.
请根据以下主题写出全文主题句。全文主题句中须包含主题、立场、发展。

  1. What is your idea of an ideal job?
  2. Are you for or against gay marriage?

练习三
Following is a composition topic. Please write the first paragraph for the composition, including the opening statement and thesis statement.
请根据以下的作文题目,写出包含开场白和全文主题句的第一段。

With the coming of the Internet, email has very quickly replaced traditional mail as the dominant tool for written communication. Although it is very convenient, email is not without disadvantages. Can you think of a few?

参考答案

  1. It makes sense to drive a small car because a small car costs little to buy, is fuel efficient, and is easy to park.
    开小车有道理,因为买起来便宜、省油,又好停车。
    解说:主题句三要素如下
    [原书此处有图示,无法以文字呈现]
    本句中的发展是三个动词引导的叙述,用对等连接词and连接,共用主词a small car,然后用从属连接词because引导副词子句,修饰主要子句动词makes。
  2. Being a successful teacher demands several important qualities: patience, understanding, and fairness.
    当个成功的老师要有几项重要的特质:耐心、理解与公平。
    解说:主题句三要素如下
    [原书此处有图示,无法以文字呈现]
    本句中的发展是三个名词词组,用对等连接词and连接,前面用冒号引导,放在名词词组several important qualities后面当作它的同位格。
  1. To me, an ideal job is one that pays well, gives me a sense of achievement, and allows me to grow.
    对我来说,理想工作必须待遇好、给我成就感,并且让我能够成长。
    主题 an ideal job
    立场 (与发展相同)
    发展 ① pays well ② gives me a sense of achievement ③ allows me to grow
    本句中的立场就是 it is one that…(要符合下列条件),所以可以说是和后来的发展合而为一。本句的发展是三个动词引导的叙述,用对等连接词and连接,共用主词(关系代名词)that,用这个关系子句修饰先行词one。
  2. I support gay marriage, because any marriage is a matter of personal choice and as such should be respected, and because gay marriage is not a threat to family values, as some conservatives maintain.
    我支持同性婚姻,因为婚姻是个人的选择,应该受到尊重。而且同性婚姻不像某些保守派人士所说的那样会威胁到家庭价值。
    主题 gay marriage
    立场 I support it.
    发展 ① Gay marriage is a matter of personal choice and as such should be respected. ② Gay marriage is not a threat to family values, as some conservatives maintain.
    本句中的立场是 I support gay marriage。发展是两个对等子句,用连接词and连接,前面再加上从属连接词because引导副词子句,修饰主要子句动词support。
Nowadays, more and more people are using email instead of “snail mail”—old fashioned letters and postcards. Email may be easy to use, but it causes several problems: an abundance of junk mail, and the spread of computer viruses.
如今愈来愈多人使用电邮,而不用「蜗牛邮件」——就是老式的信件和明信片。电邮或许方便好用,但也会引起一些问题:大批垃圾邮件、电脑病毒的传播。
这题的题目是:「由于网络出现,电子邮件很快取代传统邮件,成为书信往来的主要管道。虽然电子邮件非常方便,但还是有其缺点。你是否可以提出几个?」
题目叙述 email has very quickly replaced traditional mail 是用 email 当主词,说它「快速取代传统邮件」。参考答案中的开场白其实就是题目的同义表达,做法是把主词改成用 people,叙述改为「愈来愈多人使用电邮,不用传统邮件」。可以看出来两种说法的意思完全相同,但是改了包装的方式,这就是同义表达。接下来,题目是说 Although it is very convenient, email is not without disadvantages。这个部分则是被改写到全文主题句中,convenient 替换成 easy to use;is not without disadvantages 改写成 causes several problems。

全文主题句三要素如下:
[原书此处有图示,无法以文字呈现]
本句中的发展是两个名词词组,用对等连接词and连接,前面用冒号引导,放在名词词组 several problems 后面当作同位格。
原书第213页–第239页 完整内容

描写文

对于大专程度以上的学生、高级知识分子而言,比较需要用到的两种文体是说明文与议论文。一般作文考试最常考的也是这两种文体。

描写文 (Description)

描写文依风格之不同,可以分为主观的描写与客观的描写。客观的描写局限于外在观察得到的范围,描写的内容都属于可见的事实。例如下面这篇描写「狗」的短文就是客观的描写文。

My dog Dodo is a Labrador, standing nearly one meter tall and weighing around 35 kilograms. He was an abandoned stray dog until we took him in about three years ago. Judging from his teeth and build, the vet put him at two, which would make him about five years old now. He has blond, silky fur, a bushy tail, and big, brown eyes. He could shake hands when we found him, and by now has learned to catch a Frisbee, open screen doors from the outside, and roll over and play dead. He has added a lot of fun to our family life.
我的狗「多多」是只拉布拉多犬,身高将近一米,体重约35公斤。他本来是只被遗弃的流浪狗,大约三年前被我们收养。从他的牙齿与体格判断,兽医当时断定他两岁,那现在就是五岁左右。他的毛色金黄,像丝,有一条大尾巴,以及大大的棕色眼睛。捡到他的时候他就会握手,到现在又学会了接飞盘、从外面开纱门,以及躺下来装死。他为我们的家庭生活添加了不少乐趣。

文中提到的细节,诸如这条狗的身高体重、年龄、外观、能耐等等,都是客观可见的事实,所以这是客观的描写文。另外一种描写文的风格是主观的,里面会包含许多个人的臆测与感受,不限于外在可见的事实描写。例如同一条狗,也可以这样描写:

My Labrador Dodo is a big, handsome fellow. When I found him at a parking lot three years ago, he was skinny and mangy, rib ridges showing on his sides. It was his eyes that caught me—big liquid eyes full of expectation mixed with hurt and fear. It must have taken an extraordinary degree of mistreatment to reduce a trusting Labrador to such an abject state. Little by little, with the kind of tenderness prescribed by the fox in The Little Prince, I healed his broken heart as well as his malnourished physique. By now the only scar left in him is a deep-seated mistrust of strangers, quite un-Labrador-like.
我的拉布拉多名字叫「多多」,是个漂亮的大家伙。三年前,我在一个停车场捡到他的时候,他瘦巴巴的、身上长癣,两侧肋骨都露出来了。吸引我的是他的眼睛——水汪汪的大眼,充满期盼,掩藏着受伤与惧怕。拉布拉多本性最信任人,会变成如此畏畏缩缩的模样,一定遭到了极大的虐待。我用《小王子》里面那只狐狸教的办法,以温柔逐渐治好了他破碎的内心与营养不良的身体。到如今,他唯一留下的伤疤就是对陌生人根深蒂固的不信任,很不像拉布拉多。

作者表示这条狗「漂亮」,这是个人的主观看法。又当初来时是被狗的眼神打动:狗眼中流露出「又期待又怕受伤害」,也是出于个人臆测。至于这条狗一定受人虐待过,那也是主观猜测。最后提到如今这条狗的心理状态,同样是外人无法得知的。这些细节堆砌起来就是一篇主观的描写文,相对于知性的客观描写文而言,主观描写文通常比较感性。要深入了解这两种描写文,我们不妨拿两篇名家作品来对比一下。

名作欣赏①

From Dracula, Bram Stoker (1847-1912) His face was a strong, a very strong, aquiline, with high bridge of the thin nose and peculiarly arched nostrils, with lofty domed forehead, and hair growing scantily round the temples but profusely elsewhere. His eyebrows were very massive, almost meeting over the nose, and with bushy hair that seemed to curl in its own profusion. The mouth, so far as I could see it under the heavy moustache, was fixed and rather cruel-looking, with peculiarly sharp white teeth. These protruded over the lips, whose remarkable ruddiness showed astonishing vitality in a man of his years. For the rest, his ears were pale, and at the tops extremely pointed. The chin was broad and strong, and the cheeks firm though thin. The general effect was one of extraordinary pallor.
他的脸是非常明显的鹰勾鼻,细鼻梁很高,鼻孔呈奇特的拱形。前额是高高的圆弧,太阳穴位置毛发稀疏,别处生长旺盛。他的眉毛厚重,几乎超过鼻梁交会,浓密的眉毛好像长到弯卷起来。嘴巴被浓密的胡子遮蔽、看不清楚,但线条僵硬,看起来有点残酷,还可以看到尖锐无比的白牙。牙齿突出到嘴外,而嘴唇非常红润,以他的年纪来讲可以说是表现出惊人的活力。另外,他的耳朵苍白,上端很尖。下巴宽厚有力,双颊虽瘦削但很坚定。整体效果是苍白异乎寻常。

这是正宗吸血鬼大师伯兰·史杜克在开创流派的吸血鬼小说《德古拉》中,借由男主角之口描述他初见德古拉伯爵的印象,属于人物描写。其中虽夹杂一些个人的主观印象,但整体来说算是客观的描写文。文中采用的组织结构就是描写文最常用的空间顺序(Spatial order)搭配重要性顺序(Order of importance),先是描写最主要的整体印象:侧面轮廓很突出的鹰勾鼻,然后由上而下描写,从额头写到下巴。值得注意的是作者虽然至此尚未点破这位伯爵是吸血鬼,但是在描写中已经安排了许多伏笔。

名作欣赏②

From Moby Dick, Herman Melville (1819-1891) There seemed no sign of common bodily illness about him, nor of the recovery from any. He looked like a man cut away from the stake, when the fire has overrunningly wasted all the limbs without consuming them, or taking away one particle from their compacted aged robustness. His whole high, broad form, seemed made of solid bronze, and shaped in an unalterable mould, like Cellini’s cast Perseus. Threading its way out from among his grey hairs, and continuing right down one side of his tawny scorched face and neck, till it disappeared in his clothing, you saw a slender rod-like mark, lividly whitish. It resembled that perpendicular seam sometimes made in the straight, lofty trunk of a great tree, when the upper lightning tearingly darts down it, and without wrenching a single twig, peels and grooves out the bark from top to bottom, ere running off into the soil, leaving the tree still greenly alive, but branded.
他看不出有什么一般的身体疾病,也不像大病初愈的样子。此人感觉像是从火刑的柱子上被放下,大火已经烧遍他的四肢,但尚未烧尽,也没有烧去一丁点长年累积的结实有力。他身材高大壮硕,好像是将青铜浇灌在坚硬的模子里铸造出来的,有如切里尼的柏修斯像。一道棍状的细长疤痕,颜色发白,从他的灰发中穿出,通过烧灼成褐色的一边脸颊与颈侧,消失在衣服里。好像是偶尔在大树笔直宽阔的树干上可以看到的一条垂直缝隙,那是从天而降一道闪电撕扯出的痕迹,没有扯下一根小树枝,只是在树皮由上而下整个剥出一条沟,然后钻入地下,这棵树依然翠绿繁茂,只是留下了烙印。

梅尔维尔在《白鲸记》中描述:叙事者伊许梅尔加入捕鲸船「皮廓号」当水手随船出海后,经过多日仍看不到船长亚哈的踪影。船上众说纷纭,许多人猜测船长生病了。这一天终于看到船长登上甲板,作者借由伊许梅尔之口做了这么一段描写。这是本书第一男主角首度登场,作者当然要刻意描绘一番。他采用的是主观的描写文,侧重在描写伊许梅尔看到船长所产生的印象与联想。大量使用比喻手法,透过这些主观的印象与联想来描写亚哈船长「残而不废、老当益壮」的气魄与特质。

五种感官的立体描写

描写文是文学家的看家本领。专业作家写描写文,有一个经常采用的办法是对视觉、听觉、味觉、嗅觉、触觉进行立体的描写。这样刻画出来的形象,比起单一视觉角度的描写,有如3D立体影像与平面图像的差别。这方面的例子不胜枚举,以下就来看看两段世界级名家的例子。

名作欣赏①

From “Araby,” James Joyce (1882-1941) When the short days of winter came, dusk fell before we had well eaten our dinners. When we met in the street the houses had grown somber. The space of sky above us was the color of ever-changing violet and towards it the lamps of the street lifted their feeble lanterns. The cold air stung us and we played till our bodies glowed. Our shouts echoed in the silent street. The career of our play brought us through the dark muddy lanes behind the houses, where we ran the gauntlet of the rough tribes from the cottages, to the back doors of the dark dripping gardens where odors arose from the ashpits, to the dark odorous stables where a coachman smoothed and combed the horse or shook music from the buckled harness. When we returned to the street, light from the kitchen windows had filled the areas.
入冬了,昼短夜长,还没吃完晚饭天就快黑了。我们在马路上碰头时,旁边的房子已经阴森森的。头顶上一片天是瞬息万变的紫罗兰色,街灯攀向天际,但是黯淡无光。冷空气刺人,但我们玩到身上发热。我们的喊叫声在空寂的马路上回荡。我们玩耍的路线穿过屋后黑暗泥泞的小巷,要冒险冲过来自小木屋的粗野族类夹道挑战,来到黑暗滴水花园的后门,烧草木灰的坑洞有味道升起;来到传来动物气味的阴暗马房,马夫在给马刷毛,缰绳上的环扣在摇晃下叮当作响。当我们回到大马路上,只见处处都是厨房窗口透出来的亮光。

这是爱尔兰小说家乔伊斯在短篇小说《阿拉比》中的一段描写。每一次读到这段文字,我就会想起小时候自己吃完晚饭到外面和同伴玩耍的情景,因为描写得太有感觉了。后来学到文学批评,才了解这段文字的效果有很大一部分来自于五种感官的立体描写。

文章开头讲到「入冬了,昼短夜长,还没吃完晚饭天就快黑了……街灯黯淡无光」,这个是传统视觉的描写,刻画出初冬的萧瑟景象。接下来,「冷空气刺人,但我们玩到身上发热」是触觉的描写。「我们的喊叫声在空寂的马路上回荡」是听觉的描写。「花园烧草木灰的坑洞有味道升起」和「传来动物气味的马房」是嗅觉的描写。「缰绳上的环扣在摇晃下叮当作响」则是听觉的描写。「回到大马路上,只见处处都是厨房窗口透出来的亮光」,这又回到了视觉的描写。但是对比刚开始的暮色、晚霞、路灯,现在只看到窗口透出光亮,别处已经黑了,这个对比巧妙暗示了时光的流逝。整段文字的组织结构采用的是时间先后顺序。

名作欣赏②

From Beatrice and Virgil, Yann Martel VIRGIL: But you cannot compare their skins! An avocado’s skin is as warty as a toad’s. An avocado looks like a vegetable with leprosy. The pear is characterized by a thin roughness, delicate and interesting to the touch. If you could magnify it a hundred times, do you know what it would sound like, the sound of fingertips running over the skin of a dry pear? BEATRICE: What? VIRGIL: It would sound like the diamond of a record player entering a groove. That same dancing crackle, like the burning of the driest, lightest kindling.
维吉尔:两种果皮不可同日而语!酪梨皮像癞蛤蟆皮一样长疣。酪梨像是植物得了麻疯病。梨子的特色则是粗中有细,很精致、摸起来很有意思。如果可以放大一百倍,你知道听起来会像什么?我说的是手指尖摸过干燥梨子皮的声音? 碧翠丝:像什么? 维吉尔:听起来会像钻石唱针切入唱片沟的声音。那种同样飞舞的噼啪声,像最干燥、最轻的细柴燃烧的声音。

加拿大作家马泰尔就是《少年Pi的奇幻漂流》的作者。他在另一部作品《碧翠丝与维吉尔》中安排了一段戏中戏。本书主角很像马泰尔本人,是个成功作家,有位粉丝拿本剧本请他指教,剧本名字取的是《碧翠丝与维吉尔》(与本书同名)。剧本里的碧翠丝是驴子、维吉尔是只猴子,两者象征的是经历纳粹大屠杀的犹太人。他们蹲着肚子坐在树下,聊起了梨子。情况是驴子碧翠丝没见过、更没吃过梨子,于是由猴子维吉尔描述给她听。接下来两只动物的对话简直就是描写文写作方法的示范。《纽约时报》撰文介绍本书时,也是引述这一部分的描写作为代表。

剧本里面关于梨子果肉的描述,猴子维吉尔有这一段话:Slice a pear and you will find that its flesh is incandescent white. It glows with inner light. Those who carry a knife and a pear are never afraid of the dark. 大意是说梨子蕴含光泽,只要身上带着梨子与刀,就不怕黑了。书中主角(虚构作家)看完剧本后对粉丝表示,很喜欢「梨子与刀」那句。这整段关于梨子的描述,其实是作家马泰尔傲然向世人宣示描写文可以写到怎样的程度,而且他借着书中主角(也是作家)之口,自豪地表示「梨子与刀」那句是他得意之作。

我们这里探讨的是五种感官的立体描述,和这个主题比较相关的是上面引述出来的段落。背景是这样的:维吉尔向碧翠丝描述梨子的种种,讲到了梨皮,他说梨皮不像香蕉皮、苹果皮那么滑细,是有点粗的。碧翠丝于是问:那么是像酪梨皮吗?引文第一句的 their skins 指的就是酪梨皮与梨子皮,维吉尔强调:两种果皮不可同日而语。酪梨皮像癞蛤蟆、像得了麻疯病。梨子皮的粗却是粗中有细。接着描述手指尖摸过梨子皮,若摩擦声放大一百倍,会像「钻石唱针切入唱片沟」、「最干燥、最轻的细柴燃烧」的声音。

这段描述令人拍案叫绝,因为它采用了触觉、听觉来描写梨子皮那种特殊、粗中有细的质感。尤其是匪夷所思地采用听觉来描述质地,能写得如此丝丝入扣,真是神来之笔。

因为版权限制,本书为教学目的,只能引用《碧翠丝与维吉尔》当中一小部分作为描写文的佐证。读者若能找来这本书,把整段猴子与驴的对话看一遍,对描写文的写作肯定会有更深入的体会。

参考范文

From the top of a low sand dune, I could see the horizon in a great arc that framed in the blue sea. Closer to the beach, white interlaced crests of waves ceaselessly pressed to shore. Before me, heat shimmered from the white sand, shielding everything behind a surreal transparent billow. I felt warm and clammy in the afternoon sun, with sand and crusted salt on my face and limbs. The peculiar smell of the sea—brackish, with a suggestion of fish and seaweed—filled my nostrils. I could almost taste the salty droplets in the breeze. Behind me, from the beefwoods in the shelter belt, came the loud, metallic scraping of cicadas. Mixed with the soughing wind and the lulling waves, the rhythmical cicada song had an almost hypnotic effect.
低矮的沙丘顶上,我看到水平线形成一个巨弧,框住了蔚蓝的大海。接近海滩处,冒着白沫、交织的海浪不停地推向岸边。眼前,白沙地上蒸腾起热浪,后面的一切都蒙上一层超现实的透明波纹。午后的阳光令我感觉又热又湿黏,脸上、手臂和腿上都有沙子和盐垢。大海特殊的气味——盐滋味,带点鱼腥与海藻气息——充塞鼻孔。我几乎可以尝到微风中飘着咸咸的水沫。身后,从防风林带的木麻黄传来响亮、金属感的蝉鸣。掺杂着飒飒风声与柔和的海浪声,有节奏的蝉声产生了几乎是催眠的效果。

这段文字开头两句从水平线讲到浪花,属于视觉的描写。接下来对于热浪的描写兼具视觉与触觉。看着太阳,身上的热、黏,以及皮肤上的沙子和盐垢,属于触觉的描写。带鱼腥味与海藻味的海风,则是嗅觉的描写。张口几乎可以尝到水沫的咸味,那是刻意加上味觉的描写。蝉鸣、飒飒风声与海浪声,是听觉的描写。整段文字的组织采用的是描写文最常用的空间顺序:从天边写到眼前,再写到背后。读者若是体会到几分身历其境的感觉,那就是五种感官立体堆砌的效果。

比喻

除了五种感官立体式的描写,专业作家在写描写文时还有一个爱用的手法是比喻(Figures of Speech),也就是借此喻彼,分为明喻(Simile)与暗喻(Metaphor)。差别在于:明喻是挑明了在打比方,所以会用到喻词(如like, as, as if等),效果比较清楚。暗喻则没有挑明、不用喻词:不说它「像」什么,而是说它「就是」什么。暗喻的效果是文学性较强,但比较不清楚。以下分别看看几个简单的例子。

明喻

She swims like a fish.
她游起泳来像条鱼。
He is as hairy as a gorilla.
他像大猩猩一样多毛。
Mr. Johnson is as wise as an owl.
詹森先生像猫头鹰一样聪明。
It’s as easy as ABC.
这和ABC一样简单。
My face was as red as a ripe tomato.
我的脸红得像熟透的番茄。
My love is like a red, red rose.
我的爱人像朵红玫瑰。
The world is like a stage.
世界像一座舞台。

暗喻

He was a tornado, blasting his way through the opposing team.
他是一阵旋风,在敌队中轰出一条路来。
He was a lion in the fight.
他在战斗中是头雄狮。
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas.
月亮是艘幽灵般的大帆船,在云海上颠簸。
Education is your passport to satisfying employment.
教育是你的护照,可以通往满意的就业。
The truck flew down the empty highway.
卡车在空荡的高速公路上飞驰。
My love is a red, red rose.
我的爱人是一朵红玫瑰。

佳作欣赏①

From “Inside One Couple’s Experimental Treatment to Battle Alzheimer’s Disease,” Alice Park, Time, February 26, 2018 It would have been like trying to melt an iceberg with a hair dryer; the burden of plaques was too overwhelming.
这就好像想要用一支吹风机来融化冰山。斑块的负荷太大了。

这句话选自一篇医药报导,内容说的是一种阿兹海默症的新药正在研发中,此药号称可以溶解脑中累积的斑块、改善阿兹海默症状。新药进行人体实验,正在征求试用者,参加的条件是要已经出现记忆力衰退的症状。问题在于,病情若是发展到记忆衰退的地步,显示斑块累积的量已经极大,新药就算有效,可能也是杯水车薪。上面那句话打了个比方:这时候再想要靠药物来溶解斑块,就好像拿着一支吹风机想要融解一座冰山,缓不济急。因为句中点明了喻词 like,所以是个明喻。

佳作欣赏②

From “Our attention is just a pawn in the great game of Silicon Valley,” Lev Grossman, Time, October 19, 2015 For Facebook your entire personal life is just the phosphorescent lure of an anglerfish, attracting attention so that advertisers can devour it.
对脸书而言,你整个人生只是𩽾𩾌鱼发出萤光的诱饵,吸引注意,目的是要引广告主来吞吃。

句中的 anglerfish(𩽾𩾌鱼)是一种大型深海鱼类,额头上突出一根像钓竿的构造,末端有粒肉瘤可发出萤光当作诱饵,在黑暗的深海中引诱小鱼来给它吃。在上面这句话中,广告主是循光而来的小鱼,那只𩽾𩾌鱼当然就是脸书。这段比喻中找不到喻词,没有「像」什么,而「就是」什么,因此属于暗喻。

空间顺序

描写文最常采用的文章组织是空间顺序(Spatial order),又称地理顺序(Geographical order)。也就是选择由上到下、由左到右或由内到外之类的顺序,描写一个通常是具体的对象,如人、地、物等等。这是比较自然、条理分明的描写顺序,相当容易运用。但是,在名家笔下,简单的空间顺序也可以玩出许多花样,产生强大的效果。

名作欣赏

From Life on the Mississippi, Mark Twain (1835-1910) After all these years I can picture that old time to myself now, just as it was then: the white town drowsing in the sunshine of a summer’s morning; the streets empty, or pretty nearly so; one or two clerks sitting in front of the Water Street stores, with their splint-bottomed chairs tilted back against the wall, chins on breasts, hats slouched over their faces, asleep—with shingle-shavings enough around to show what broke them down; a sow and a litter of pigs loafing along the sidewalk, doing a good business in watermelon rinds and seeds; two or three lonely little freight piles scattered about the “levee”; a pile of “skids” on the slope of the stone-paved wharf, and the fragrant town drunkard asleep in the shadow of them; two or three wood flats at the head of the wharf, but nobody to listen to the peaceful lapping of the wavelets against them; the great Mississippi, the majestic, the magnificent Mississippi, rolling its mile-wide tide along, shining in the sun; the dense forest away on the other side; the “point” above the town, and the “point” below, bounding the river-glimpse and turning it into a sort of sea, and withal a very still and brilliant and lonely one.
事隔多年,我还能想象那幅景象,一如当年:白色的小镇浴着夏日早晨的阳光昏昏欲睡;街上空无一人,或者将近无人;水岸街商店前坐着一两个店员,他们木条编的椅子向后靠着墙,下巴压在胸前、帽子盖着脸,睡着了(周围有一堆从木片上刨下来的刨花,看得出来是什么事情累的);一头母猪领着一窝小猪在人行道边上晃,拱西瓜皮和瓜子,大发利市;两三堆孤单的货物散落在堤岸上;一堆垫木放在石砌的码头斜坡,满身酒气的酒鬼躺在影子里睡觉;码头前端有两三个木头平台,但没有人来听碎浪拍打平台的宁静声响;密西西比,那雄壮、威严的大河,一英里宽的潮水向前翻滚,在阳光下闪烁;隔岸森林浓密;小镇上游的岬角与下游的岬角收束河景,变得像海景,不过它是平静、灿烂、寂寞的海。

《密西西比河上的生活》是美国大文豪马克·吐温的回忆录。选出的这段文字很长,里面有一个极大的特色,不知读者注意到没有?整段文字只有开头的主要子句和一个从属子句,其余都是一堆名词词组,一路到底,没有动词,构成一整个长句。如此堆砌的效果,感觉是死寂、静止的,描写的景物也都是静态的,如货堆、平台之类。作者这是有意的安排,因为这里描写的是每日汽船来之前的景象,特色就是一片死寂。下文讲到汽船来了,语气为之一变,句型也变成简洁有力的短句,每句都有一个强烈的动词。这是高明的「形式搭配内容」手法。

Presently a film of dark smoke appears above one of those remote “points”; instantly a negro drayman, famous for his quick eye and prodigious voice, lifts up the cry, “S-t-e-a-m-boat a-comin’!” and the scene changes! The town drunkard stirs, the clerks wake up, a furious clatter of drays follows, every house and store pours out a human contribution, and all in a twinkling the dead town is alive and moving.
突然间,一阵黑烟在遥远的岬角上空出现;马上有个黑人板车夫(以目光锐利、嗓音宏亮著称)大声喊出「汽——船来了!」,景象为之一变。酒鬼动了动、店员醒了、板车哐啷响、每户房屋每间商店都有个人出来,一眨眼间死寂的小镇整个活动了起来。

这部分的文字很短,只有两句,里面一连串有八个限定动词,和前半段缺乏动词的一个长句构成明显对比,因为前半段描写的是船来前的死寂,这半段描写的却是船来时的生动。还有一个地方,不知读者有没有留意到:前面是从小镇往大河方向描写,一路写到对岸的岬角。后面同样采取空间顺序,但是方向反过来:从岬角写起,一路写回到镇上。船来前的描写是静态的,写的都是静物,至于人呢,不是看不到,就是睡着了,整个描写完全不带动词,移动速度缓慢。船来之后的描写是动态的,快速跳跃前进,每句都有动词,而且描写的都是人的活动。这段文字的组织结构结合了空间顺序以及对比,并且和句型严密搭配,产生了强大的描写效果。

空间顺序的转承语

  • above (在…之上)
  • beyond (越过)
  • near (接近)
  • across (在对岸)
  • by (在一边)
  • nearby (在附近)
  • adjacent to (邻近)
  • down (往下)
  • next to (在旁边)
  • among (在…之中)
  • here (这里)
  • on the other side (在对岸)
  • around (附近)
  • in (在…之中)
  • opposite to (在对面)
  • behind (在…之后)
  • in the back (在背后)
  • over (越过)
  • below (在…之下)
  • in the front (在前面)
  • there (那里)
  • beneath (在…之下)
  • inside (在里面)
  • to the north (在北边)
  • beside (在旁边)
  • into (进入)
  • under (在…之下)

重要性顺序

除了空间顺序之外,描写文也经常搭配重要性顺序。如果是递增,那就是先选择不重要的部分来描述,把最重要的留在后面。重要性顺序也经常搭配分类 (Classification) 一起使用,可以说是很常用的一种组织结构。它会用到的一些转承语如下:

  • first, second, third (第一、第二、第三)
  • next (其次)
  • last (最后)
  • then (再者)
  • mainly (主要地)
  • to begin with (首先)
  • more importantly (更重要地)

描写文的结构

描写文的结构和其他文体一样,可以分成开头 (Introduction)、发展段落 (Development)、结尾 (Conclusion) 三个部分。

第一段是 Introduction,由开场白与全文主题句构成。描写文的开场白通常就是介绍一下要描写的是什么东西。全文主题句要交代文章的内容与形式,包含三项要素。主题 (Subject Matter) 当然就是开场白当中介绍到的描写对象。立场 (Controlling Idea) 则是写出对这个对象的「主要印象」。主题句的第三项要素:发展 (Division) 要预告文章的发展方向。描写文最常采用的是空间顺序与重要性顺序,主题句中最好能够先交代一下要采用哪种顺序。

接下来进入 Development,要分段了。当然,发展要遵从全文主题句中的预告,例如采用空间顺序来发展。有一点要注意:为了加强主题的统一性,每一个描写细节要尽量反映出全文主题句中的 Controlling Idea,也就是「主要印象」。

发展完,来到Conclusion,这个部分又可分为结论与结尾语。前者通常是把主题句重复一下,加强同样的主要印象。后者则是发表一下感慨、看法、意见之类,让读者有反复思考的空间。

参考范文:After the Typhoon

Last week, a typhoon landed near our village in Hualian. With ample warning beforehand, my family was evacuated, together with other villagers, into the city to wait it out. When I finally returned with my parents, I had a great shock: the typhoon had left ruin and destruction everywhere I could see.
上周,台风在花莲我们村子附近登陆。因为之前有收到充分的警告,我们一家和村民都先疏散到市区等台风过境。当我终于跟着父母回家,我感到相当震撼。台风带来了一片毁灭与破坏,放眼所及都是。
The main road leading into the village was buried under a thick layer of mud, left over by the receding flood. The rice paddies to either side of the road were all gone, replaced by endless stretches of muddy water. Our house was left standing in the water, like a boat floating on a lake. Seen from afar, the house appeared strangely incomplete, with an unfamiliar contour. Drawing nearer, I found out why: the kitchen annex and the tool shed—simple wooden structures added to the main building—were both gone, either blown or washed away. If anything was left in the empty spaces that had been the kitchen and the shed, it was under the water, for nothing could be seen there. I could only pray that the house itself was all right.
进村的大路埋在一层厚厚的淤泥下,那是洪水退之后留下的。道路两边的稻田都没了,只剩下一望无际的泥水。我们家孤立在水中,像艘船漂在湖上。从远方看,房子感觉很奇怪,不大完整,轮廓很陌生。靠近一看,我发现了原因:加盖的厨房与工具间——附加在主结构上简单的木造建筑——都不见了,不知是被风吹掉还是被水冲走。原本是厨房与工具间的空地要是还有留下点什么,也都淹在水里,因为什么都看不见。我只能祈祷房子本身无恙。
The main structure of the house looked intact, until I entered it. The doors and thresholds had failed to ward off the water, but had managed to keep it in: in the living room I had to wade through muddy water that reached up to my ankles. From the mud stains left on the walls, I could tell that the flood had once been as high as my shoulders. Needless to say, the heavy furniture which we had not been able to move upstairs was all ruined. Ever the optimists, my parents congratulated each other for having had the foresight of moving the TV sets, computers, and other valuable gadgets to the second floor before locking up. When we came upstairs, even my parents uttered sighs of dismay: part of the roof had apparently blown off, leaving a huge hole through which torrential rains had poured in. Everything was still soaking wet: the closets, beds, TV sets, and computers.
房屋主结构看起来还是完整的,直到我走进去。大门与门坎没能挡住水,却把水留在了里面:在客厅,我得涉过淹到脚踝的泥水。从墙上留下的泥水渍判断,水深一度及肩。不用说,我们没能搬上楼的大家具都泡坏了。我爸妈是永远的乐观主义者,他们还互相道喜,说幸好有先见之明,早把电视、电脑与其他贵重的东西都搬到二楼才锁上门。当我们来到楼上,连我爸妈也不禁失望叹息:屋顶显然是被吹掉了一块,留下一个大洞,大雨倾泻而下。一切都还是湿透的,包括衣柜、床、电视与电脑。
It seemed that all the precautions we had taken were for nothing. Everything was ruined just the same. “Cheer up,” said Father philosophically. “At least the three of us got out of it safe and dry, didn’t we?”
看来我们采取的预防措施全都无效,一切还是都毁了。「别伤心,」爸爸很有哲理地说,「至少我们三个安然无恙,不是吗?」

这是一篇按照空间顺序写成的简单描写文。开场白是背景说明,介绍出「台风」这个主题。全文主题句中标示出的主要印象是「毁灭与破坏」,而文章预告后面要用空间顺序来发展。文章中间的两个发展段落构造很简单,就是按照空间顺序描述回家途中所见、屋外所见、屋内一楼所见、二楼所见,而贯穿一切细节的就是「一片残破」这个主要印象。第二段说:田地淹没、房屋「像」一艘船漂在湖上,这是用了明喻的手法。最后一段中,结论重复全文主题句中的主要印象,最后的那句话是个感慨,算是典型的结尾语。

考试专区

描写文对一般考生而言并不重要,也不用特别准备,因为大部分的作文考试考的都是说明文加论说文的性质。有一些比较特别的考试例外,例如考研经常会考「看图说故事」的题目,这会牵涉到一部分的描写文,但是真正的考验不在描写,而在于题目后面要考生提出的看法、评论,那就是典型的说明文加论说文。

特别难的考试也有可能考到描写文,例如多年前政大外文研究所专业科目英文作文考试就曾考过一题描写文,大意是要求考生描写一种孤单寂寞的感觉,但是禁止使用任何表示孤单寂寞的字眼,如 lonely, melancholy, sad 之类。这种题目会真正考验到考生的描写文功力。

不过对一般考生而言,准备写作的重点应该放在说明文与论说文上面。

写作练习

接下来又到了动手写作的时间了。从本章开始,读者将要进行开放式的写作,不加限制。下面这篇作文题目有些历史了:多年前我在师大英语系读书时,有一年的英文作文课,期末考时老师叫我们摸出一枚十元硬币来,考试题目就是描写这枚硬币。

本章前面说过,描写文有客观与主观两种风格。若是客观描写,可以当作是写给一个从没见过台湾十元硬币的外国人看,目标是让他看完之后对这枚硬币有如亲眼所见,完全认识它的模样、造型,拿来买东西不会用错。这就是成功的客观描写文。若是主观的描写,大可以天马行空地描写你个人看到这枚硬币的回忆、感慨、联想,不用理会别人看完文章之后认不认识这枚硬币。

Take a 10-NT coin from your pocket, or borrow one from a classmate. Observe the coin closely and write a description about it. Your description may be either objective or subjective. Remember to organize your details by spatial order or order of importance.

参考范文:A Description of a Coin

People handle coins every day, receiving them as change or using them at vending machines. Rarely, however, has anyone taken a close look at the lowly coin, beyond recognizing its denomination. Holding a 10-NT coin in my hand, I examine it from every angle, and find that it is actually an exquisite work of art.
大家每天都要经手硬币,像是在找零时收进来,或者是投贩卖机花出去。但是除了辨认币值,很少有人仔细看一眼身份低微的硬币。手持一枚10元硬币,我从每一个角度检视,发觉它其实是个精美的艺术品。
The coin is about 2cm in diameter and 2mm thick, gray with a silvery sheen. Made of nickel, it’s cool to the touch, and emanates a tart, metallic smell if placed under one’s nose. The “heads” side is dominated by an embossed bust of ex-President Chiang Kaishek. The famously bald man looks slightly to his right, so that only his left ear is visible. The artist has successfully captured the austere old man at a smiling moment. The look is one of confident authority, as befits the old soldier. Above the head, in a semicircle along the edge of the coin, run several Chinese characters from right to left that give the year in which the coin was minted. To wrap up the whole thing, there is a paper-thin rim along the outer edge of the coin.
硬币直径约两公分、厚约两公厘,灰色带点银色光泽。它是镍质的,摸起来冰凉,放在鼻子下会发出刺鼻的金属气味。正面主要是前总统蒋介石的半身像。这位以秃头著称的男子稍微向右看,所以只能见到他的左耳。艺术家成功捕捉住这位严峻老人微笑的一刻。他的表情是自信的权威感,很适合这名老兵。头上方,有几个中文方块字从右到左沿着硬币边缘排列成半圆状,指出硬币铸造的年分。最外面,沿着硬币外围有一圈其薄如纸的圆边。
On the “tails” side of the coin, the centerpiece is the denomination: two Chinese characters from right to left that read “ten dollars,” with the Arabic numeral “10” below them. It is the frills, however, that catch the eye. Two plum branches sprout from a single point below the Arabic numeral and describe two arches that brace the denomination in center. The two branches are mirror images, each sporting five plum blossoms. These blossoms are stylized, as every one of them presents the same angle: from the top down, with five round petals spread out, exposing the stamen at the center and pistils all around. The two plum branches remind one of a laurel wreath, adding a sense of value and prestige to the coin. Again, there’s a tiny rim along the outermost edge. Viewed laterally, the coin shows a thin side covered by dense, short, parallel bars, like rungs on a ladder.
硬币反面,中央主要位置是币值:两个中文方块字从右到左写着「拾圆」,下面有阿拉伯数字10。不过吸引人注意的是花边:两枝梅花从阿拉伯数字下面同一个点冒出来,画出两道圆弧,把币值框在中间。两枝梅花互为镜像,各带有五朵梅花。这些花朵经过造型化,因为每一朵都是完全一样的角度:正面往下看、展开五枚圆花瓣,露出中间的雌蕊与周围的雄蕊。两枝梅花令人联想到桂冠,为硬币添了价值感与高贵性。同样地,外围还是有极细的一道圆边。从侧面看,硬币的薄边上密布短短的平行线条,像梯子上的横杆。
Now I understand why people collect coins. Besides evoking memories of times past, a coin can be a real work of art, to be appreciated for its intrinsic value. Perhaps I’ll soon start a collection of my own.
现在我了解为什么有人要收集硬币了。除了发思古之幽情,硬币还是真正的艺术品,有内在的价值可供欣赏。或许我也要来开始收集硬币了。

本文开场白运用的是对比(Contrast),指出大家每天用硬币,没人仔细瞧一眼,由此切入主题:来瞧瞧它是什么模样。这是一篇客观的描写文,Controlling Idea就是对这枚硬币的主要印象:它是精美的艺术品。Division是「从每一个角度检视」,交代了接下来会采用空间顺序。

进入发展之后,先是描写一下整体印象:大小、颜色、材质等等。这个部分用了一些感官的立体描写,如cool to the touch、a metallic smell之类。接下来就进入空间顺序:先看正面。这里采用的是重要性顺序(递减):先描写正中央的半身像,再写到上缘的字样,最后是周围的细边。这也可以说是空间顺序:从中间写到外围。然后分段,按照空间顺序来到了反面。这里同样还是从中间写到外围,但是两枝梅花占了最大篇幅,这是因为主题句中提出来的主要印象是「精美的艺术品」。正面堪称艺术品的是浮雕半身像,反面就是这两枝梅花,所以这两个部分要特别着墨,才能反映出主题。正反两面说完,还有比较不重要的侧面,这部分有个明喻:细细的横纹「像」梯子上的横杆。

全文最后一段,结论重复一下「艺术品」的主要印象,结尾语则是发表一个感想:或许自己也来收集硬币。像这样表达感慨、看法、意见之类,就是典型的结尾语。

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